


Adventures of Catssandra and Raccoonian

by Starsystems (Estellaceon)



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Basically Varian and Cassandra's villain arcs if they were Rapunzel's pets, Cat!Cassandra, Eugene is Best Boyfriend, Please Don't Take This Seriously, Raccoon!Varian, Rapunzel needs a break, The moonmarble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:41:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estellaceon/pseuds/Starsystems
Summary: Rapunzel had thought she was prepared for a cat. She was surprised when her cat brought home a little raccoon. She was frustrated when the raccoon started hiding her things. And then the cat got her paws on that marble.
Relationships: (background), Cassandra & Rapunzel (Disney: Tangled), Cassandra & Varian (Disney: Tangled), Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Rapunzel & Varian (Disney)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 113





	1. In which Varian strikes back at Rapunzel for abandoning him in his time of need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rapunzel was only gone for like a week. It's not the end of the world!  
> Unless you're a raccoon, apparently.

“Oh come on,” Rapunzel was on her floor, arm as far under the couch as she could squeeze it, in a fruitless attempt to get her engagement ring that her then-boyfriend, Eugene had proposed to her with, two weeks earlier. They had celebrated by going on a vacation, from which she’d just returned, and she’d left Cassandra, a graceful black cat, and Varian, the baby raccoon that Cass had brought home with her several months prior, in her parents’ care. Of course, when she came back, it was to Varian throwing a tantrum. It was to be expected, since this was the first time she’d left Varian alone for longer than a day, but it was still  _ frustrating _ . “Varian, you little shit, I  _ know _ you’re here somewhere.  _ Please  _ just give me back my ring.”

And there he was, on top of her bookcase, with Cassandra, the traitor, who seemed to be amused about all this. Maybe Eugene was right about Cass not liking him. But just as Rapunzel thought this, Cass jumped down from the bookcase, crawled under her couch, and emerged with Rapunzel’s engagement ring in her mouth, as well as a bunch of spider webs and dust covering her from head to tail. 

Rapunzel sighed in relief. “Thank you, Cassandra. At least  _ one of you _ still loves me.” 

She jumped up, ran a hand through her short brown hair, and grabbed her purse. Eugene was bound to be here any minute now for their dinner date. Their first date since their engagement. Well, if you discounted the vacation. But that wasn’t really a date, that was a vacation. 

She looked back. Cassandra was nowhere to be found, but Varian was still staring at her from atop the bookcase. She had the feeling he knew she would be leaving soon. He looked so  _ sad _ , it almost made her feel guilty. “I won’t be gone for long this time. It’s just dinner.” 

The doorbell rang. 

* * *

“I just, it feels like I’m doing something wrong, but I don’t know what.” All throughout the dinner date she couldn’t stop thinking about her problem with Varian. There had to be an easy solution, right? Something she was overlooking. As she looked at Eugene she suddenly realized that she’d been talking only about her pets for the past hour. She put her face in her hands. “Oh god, I’m sorry, Eugene. This date isn’t very fun, is it?”

“Hey hey, it’s okay, Blondie.” She looked up to find Eugene smiling at her, in the same soft way that he always seemed to do whenever he was looking at her, the way that made her feel all warm and fuzzy. “I like being a part of your life.”

She put her hand on his. “Still though, I want to pay attention to  _ you _ too.”

“Not that I’m opposed to that, but I  _ did _ get you all to myself for the past week.” Then he frowned. “Actually, maybe that’s it.”

“What?”

“Well, you were gone for a week, and now the little guy is hiding your things. What if he’s just trying to stop you from leaving again?”

_ Huh,  _ Rapunzel sat back, taking a sip of her drink.  _ That’s a good point.  _

* * *

“Varian? Vaarian!” It was no use. She’d been looking for Varian ever since her date ended. It had been three hours already. She’d never find him as long as he was avoiding her. Then again, she didn’t need to  _ find _ him, she just needed him to  _ hear _ her. 

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I know you’re mad at me, Varian, and it must have been scary for me to leave and be gone so much longer than usual. But I want you to know I’ll never abandon you. I can’t promise you that I’ll never leave again, or even that it won’t be for long, but I can promise you that I’ll always come back for you. As long as I can.” 

Rapunzel opened her eyes, to find blue eyes staring directly back at her. Atop the bookshelf. Again. She laughed a little. “Is that your spot now?”

Rapunzel held out her hands to him hesitantly, but there was no need to be nervous, because before she could even reach him, he’d jumped right into her arms and began nuzzling into her elbow, making her chuckle in relief, as she gently stroked his fur. 

“Does that mean you’re no longer mad at me?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of Varian's other crimes included: stealing Rapunzel's keys, scattering kibble all over the apartment, hiding Rapunzel's phone, and being all affectionate towards Arianna while completely ignoring Rapunzel, the petty little shit.


	2. In which a marble threatens to come in between Rapunzel and Cass

Rapunzel had thought she was prepared for a cat. She was surprised when her cat brought home a little raccoon. She was frustrated when the raccoon started hiding her things. And then the cat got her paws on that marble. That damn marble. 

It had been several weeks after her vacation with Eugene--and Varian’s little spat with her--that Rapunzel had come home to find Cassandra hiding in a spot in her closet, clutching a bright blue marble. She’d reached out, trying to get a better look at what it was, and Cass had  _ hissed _ at her. 

Cass  _ never _ hissed at her. 

She had always been protective and territorial, sure. Hence why Rapunzel had been so surprised to find Cass had brought home another animal. Eugene was even convinced that Cass hated him, that she was a vicious creature, but Rapunzel had never had any evidence to believe this before. 

But now Cass had the marble, and she’d hissed at Rapunzel over that thing. 

Rapunzel wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it, being second-place to a marble, but the thought stung. Even when Cass had left her little make-shift nest, Rapunzel couldn’t take the marble from her, because Cass would come running as soon as Rapunzel entered the room. It was almost like she  _ knew _ Rapunzel would try something, but surely that was impossible, right? 

Rapunzel didn't know what to do, but she knew one thing: she would get that marble, one way or another. She was _not_ going to let a shiny glass circle get in the way of her friendship with her cat. 

* * *

“Okay Varian, go and get the marble.” Varian chittered and went into the room. Sending in Varian was actually a good idea, Cass had always had a soft spot for him, but Rapunzel had to admit this idea was born more of desperation than genius. It had been a  _ week _ and she was beginning to miss Cass. She felt like she’d tried  _ everything _ . 

Rapunzel stuck her head around the doorway, observing as Varian inched closed to Cassandra who was lazily washing her paws. Varian snuck closer, bit by bit, and Rapunzel held her breath, crossing her fingers in the hopes that maybe  _ maybe _ Varian would succeed and get the marble away from Cassandra. 

“C’mon, c’mon, just a little closer.”

Almost almost  _ almost-- _ but just as Varian reached for the marble, Cass placed her paw in front of him, blocking his access to the marble. He flinched back, turning to run, but she just placed another paw and cut him off. She stood up, grabbed Varian by the scruff of his neck, plopped him into her nest, right next to the marble, and started grooming him while purring. 

And now Cass had the marble  _ and  _ Varian. Rapunzel sighed. 

Cassandra 2 - Rapunzel 0

* * *

“It’s just--I don’t understand what’s her  _ deal _ with the marble.” Rapunzel was, once again, venting at her fiancé, this time with a milkshake in hand and walking through the mall. 

“Well, blondie, Cass may be the most vicious predator I’ve ever met, but even  _ I  _ know she doesn’t usually lash out unless you’re crossing a boundary.” Eugene paused to sip his milkshake. “It sounds to me like you’re crossing her boundaries.”

“What?” Rapunzel didn’t know what to say to that, except that it was absolutely ridiculous. She wasn’t crossing Cassandra’s boundaries! She’d know if she was. 

“Look, you’re very focused on this marble, on how it  _ made  _ her hiss at you, but isn’t it possible that she hissed at you because you were trying to take something from her that she just didn’t want to give you?” Rapunzel thought this over in her head. Now that she thought about it, Cass hadn’t hissed at her until she’d tried to  _ take _ the marble. Granted, she’d only wanted to get a look at it that time, but maybe Cass had really just wanted to play with it?

“If you want my advice, I’d say just let her keep the marble and leave it alone. Who knows, maybe she’ll come around.” He shrugged. 

Rapunzel smiled at him. He was always there for her, even when she had silly problems like this. It was reassuring. 

“What? What is it? Do I have a milkshake moustache?” Rapunzel laughed softly as Eugene pulled out his phone to check his appearance. 

“I love you.” Eugene froze, caught off guard by those words, so softly spoken. He looked at her, brown eyes locking with green, and smiled. “I love you too, sunshine.”

“But yes, you do have a milkshake moustache.”

“What?!”

* * *

As Rapunzel looked through her closet the next morning, picking out her outfit for the day, she pet Cass over the head and didn’t touch the marble. She repeated this process the following three days, letting Cass have the marble. It was just a marble, she knew now. On the fourth, the marble was gone, and Cass followed her out into the living room, meowing at her like usual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eugene back at it again with his wisdom.  
> Don't worry, Cass released Varian after Rapunzel left. She was just being petty.


	3. In which Cassandra and Varian save Rapunzel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rapunzel attempts to propose, but not everything goes according to plan. It goes well anyway.

Rapunzel stretched, eager to begin her day. Today was the day. She was going to propose to Eugene today! 

They’d talked about it before, and Eugene had even tried to propose to her twice now, but she just hadn’t been ready. She’d only just started exploring the world and her life! She hadn’t been ready to make that choice yet, even though she’d always known that Eugene was the man she’d want to marry  _ eventually _ . 

Eugene had been understanding, of course, like he always was. He’d given her the space she’d needed and now it was  _ her _ turn to surprise him with a proposal. She knew exactly how it would go down. They were supposed to have a date tonight, visiting the fair, and then, afterwards, Rapunzel would invite Eugene into her apartment to watch a movie with her. But what he  _ wouldn’t _ know is that she’d cover the apartment floor in rose petals. She’d light the candles, get on one knee, present her ring, and she would ask him. 

Her mind drifted momentarily to the last time she’d been so excited to ask something like this, something that would change her life forever. It had been when she was still seventeen, living with the woman she thought was her mother, the woman who’d lied to her for years, the woman who’d kidnapped her. She hadn’t gotten what she wanted that day. 

But that was okay! Because  _ Eugene _ wasn’t Gothel. He wanted this as much as she did. He would say yes. She knew it. After all, why would he have proposed to  _ her _ before?

_ But maybe you’re too late. Maybe he met someone else. After all, what’s so impressive about  _ you _?,  _ a voice in the back of her mind whispered to her. It sounded vaguely like Gothel, and it’d been there for years, anytime she got nervous about herself. She didn’t think it would ever go away. Good thing she’d found the perfect way of dealing with it. 

_ Shut it, _ she told the voice.  _ In fact, now I’m gonna marry him even  _ harder _ , just to spite you.  _

She wasn’t going to let anything ruin this day,  _ especially _ not her dead not-mother. 

She gave Varian a pat on his head as she passed him by. He’d really grown up in the past few months, not that it stopped him from climbing into her arms or draping himself over her shoulders whenever he wanted attention. He’d been very curious lately, as she’d made preparations for her proposal. He was always curious, but the past week he’d been investigating her actions almost constantly. He didn’t react to her today, though, too preoccupied with the strange mixture he was making in one of her glass bowls. She’d be concerned, but this was normal for Varian. She trusted he knew what he was doing.  _ She _ sure didn’t. 

Rapunzel left the kitchen and headed to the bathroom, intent on taking a shower, only to find- Cassandra. Entangled in the shower curtains. Shredding them to pieces. 

“No-  _ Cass _ !” Cass looked up at the sound of her voice, pausing in her attack on the curtains. “What are you  _ doing? _ ”

She looked guilty for a split second, then continued with her rampage. Rapunzel sprang into motion, grabbing Cass by the scruff of her neck and depositing her outside of the bathroom door, before closing and locking it. 

She sighed, inspecting the ruined curtains.  _ Let’s hope that’s not a sign. _

No, it was fine. She could shower without a curtain now, and get a new curtain later. This wasn’t a big deal. It wouldn’t affect her plans for today. 

_ Unless you’re cursed with bad luck,  _ the Gothel Voice chimed in. 

_ Shut up _

  
  


Raining. It was raining. So much for the fair.  _ I told you so, _ the voice said.  _ And now you’re completely drenched.  _

_ Shut up,  _ she told it. Again.  _ Rain is fine. Okay, so the amusement park was a bust, BUT I now have the perfect excuse to invite him inside for a movie and popcorn!  _

Rapunzel smiled at Eugene as she opened the door, immediately cheered up. This was going fine. It wasn’t even a setback. 

Until she saw the mess that waited for her inside. Water  _ everywhere _ . Oh no, had she left a window open? Wait, where were Cass and Varian?!

“Calm down, Sunshine,” Eugene put his hand on her shoulder and moved her soaked hair out of her face. Had she been saying that out loud? “Let’s locate the open window first, and then we can look for your animal companions.”

“Okay, window first, Cass and Varian after,” Rapunzel repeated, still shocked from the sight of her apartment. Well, there went the proposal. All her preparations down the drain. She choked back a sob. 

They quickly found the window in her bedroom and shut it, locking the rain outside and keeping the floors from getting anymore drenched. Rapunzel spent the entire time feeling detached as she visualized her evening going up in smoke. 

_ You’re even making him help you clean up your mess!  _ The voice said, and for once, she couldn’t find it within herself to tell it to shut up. 

“Hey, Sunshine?” Rapunzel startled out of her thoughts as Eugene gently grabbed her hand, leaning down slightly as he moved her hair back from her eyes, his gaze locking with hers. “What’s wrong? You’ve been…  _ off _ all day.”

He jerked back. “Is it the cologne? I  _ told  _ Lance this wasn’t the right one!” Rapunzel smiled, feeling a little better as Eugene started complaining about Lance. 

“No it’s,” She sighed. “It’s silly.”

Eugene smiled, in the way that always made her heart flutter and, despite everything, today was no exception. “How can it be silly? It’s upsetting you. That makes it important.”

Rapunzel laughed. “Says who?”

Eugene’s smile grew a tad more concerned. “Says me. I care about you.”

Rapunzel hesitated. “I was- I wanted to propose to you today.”

Eugene’s mouth fell open in shock, but he didn’t say anything. The longer the silence stretched on, the more uncomfortable Rapunzel felt. What if the voice was right? What if he didn’t want to marry her after all. What if he  _ hated _ her for asking? 

_ I told you so, didn’t I? Mother kno- _

“Yes.”

Rapunzel’s breath caught. “What?”

“Yes,” Eugene repeated softly. “I would love to marry you. I loved you when I first met you, I love you now, and for as long as I’ll live, I’ll love you. My answer will always be ‘yes’.”

Rapunzel smiled, holding his hand in hers, both their clothes still drenched from the rain, her hair undoubtedly a mess, and standing on a wet floor, the rain pounding on the windows outside. It was perfect. She leaned forward, intending to kiss her fiancé. Her  _ fiancé! _

Their lips were about to meet when her ceiling fan turned on and suddenly they were doused in rose petals, tinted every colour of the rainbow. 

She looked around to find Cass had jumped up onto her bed, intent on avoiding the water, and Varian looked out at them from the top shelf of Rapunzel’s bookcase, occasionally adding another handful of petals to the whirlwind caused by her fan. 

Cass jumped from her bed to her nightstand and pawed her music player, causing romantic notes to fill the room. She stepped away from the machine and sat down, staring at Rapunzel. Rapunzel looked at Eugene, petals swirling around them like the feelings in her stomach, and got on one knee, her soaked dress hitting the floor. She pulled out the box she’d carried with her all day. 

“Well then, Eugene, if I were to ask you right here, right now, would your answer still be ‘yes’? Will you marry me?”

Eugene laughed. “After all the trouble you three went through to pull this off? Of course I would. I said ‘always’, didn’t I?”

Rapunzel kissed him, and for once there was no one to tell her she messed up. 

  
  


After calling the insurance guy, Eugene and Rapunzel had sat down on the soaked couch and made the most of the night, playing board games, Cassandra and Varian looking in on them from where they sat on the chair, Cassandra sprawling across the back and Varian lounging on the seat. 

“I’m glad everything worked out. She seems so happy now,” Varian remarked. 

Cass snorted. “Yeah, guess there’s at least  _ something _ Fitzherbert is good for.”

Varian glanced up at her. “He’s not that bad, you know. He helped Rapunzel with  _ us _ .” Varian considered that for a moment. “ _ I  _ like him.” 

“Well,  _ I _ like  _ annoying _ him,” Cass responded, grooming her paws. “Why do you think I helped with the proposal?”

“Uh, to make Rapunzel happy?” 

Cass shot him a grin. “Nah, there’s a lot that’ll make Rapunzel happy. Just find a kitten to bring home and she’ll forgive you for all your sins.” Varian considered asking her what she’d done the week she’d found him, and whether there hadn’t been any kittens nearby that she went for a raccoon instead, but decided against it. “Bringing Eugene into this family just gives me more opportunity to mess with him.”

Varian shook his head at that. If Cass wanted to be in denial then that was on her. “You’re evil.”

A glint in her eyes was the only warning Varian got before Cass pounced on him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you also want to know what Cass did? I imagine she caught a mouse in front of Rapunzel and Rapunzel wasn't really mad, but she was really sad about it, so Cass wanted to cheer her up. More importantly, though, Cass just felt bad for Varian.
> 
> This is the second-to-last chapter. I hadn't originally intended to write this at all, but I got inspired by a cat post I saw on tumblr, which reminded me of Cass.  
> https://justcatposts.tumblr.com/post/619435540063862784
> 
> This is the last chapter in this work, but I might write a prequel at some point (or finish it, I guess)? Mostly bc I just gave myself the idea of writing Cassandra's first meeting with Varian. But that'll be it. 
> 
> It wasn't really enough for a full chapter, though, so this chapter has a little more focus on Rapunzel and Eugene

**Author's Note:**

> Some of Varian's other crimes included: stealing Rapunzel's keys, scattering kibble all over the apartment, hiding Rapunzel's phone, and being all affectionate towards Arianna while completely ignoring Rapunzel, the petty little shit.


End file.
